Brothers and sisters often argue, tease, or compete with each other. This is called sibling rivalry. It’s something many families deal with. It can happen when kids fight over toys, try to get more attention from parents, or feel jealous of each other.

Sibling rivalry usually starts when children are young. But it doesn’t always go away. Sometimes it continues into the teenage years or even into adulthood.

In this article, we’ll look at why sibling rivalry happens. We’ll also talk about why siblings feel jealous, why they sometimes fight, and what parents can do to help. By understanding the reasons behind sibling rivalry, families can learn how to build better and more peaceful relationships.

What Is Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling rivalry means ongoing conflict between brothers and sisters. It can include teasing, arguing, jealousy, or even physical fighting. 

Most of the time, it starts in early childhood. But it doesn’t always stop when we grow up. Sometimes it continues into teenage years or even adulthood.

What Causes Sibling Rivalry?

There’s no single reason for sibling rivalry. Instead, it happens for several reasons. Let’s look at some of the main ones:

1. Fighting for Attention and Love

One of the biggest reasons for sibling rivalry is the fight for a parent’s attention. Kids want to feel loved, noticed, and special. If one sibling feels that another is getting more praise or care, they may feel left out. This can lead to jealousy and arguments.

For example, if one child is praised for good grades, the other might feel like no one notices their efforts. Or if one child is sick and gets more care, their sibling might feel ignored.

2. Birth Order and Family Roles

The order in which children are born can shape how they act and feel. Firstborns are often expected to be responsible and mature. Middle children might feel stuck in between. Youngest children may be seen as the baby of the family.

These roles can create pressure and lead to rivalry. A firstborn may feel they always have to be the example. A younger sibling may want to prove they’re just as capable. This can lead to arguments, competition, and frustration.

3. Different Personalities

Every child has a unique personality. Some are loud and outgoing, while others are quiet and sensitive. When siblings have very different traits, they may clash. 

A quiet child may feel annoyed by a talkative sibling. A competitive child may always try to be better than their sibling.

4. Feeling Like There’s a Favorite

Real or imagined favoritism can hurt. If a child thinks their sibling is the “favorite,” they may feel jealous, angry, or unloved. Even if parents don’t mean to treat their kids differently, kids can still feel it.

For example, if parents are more patient with one child or punish one more harshly, it may look like they’re picking sides. This can build resentment and increase sibling rivalry.

Why Do Siblings Get Jealous of Each Other?

Jealousy between siblings is common. It usually comes from comparison. Kids often look at what their sibling has whether it’s attention, praise, gifts, or freedom and feel like they’re missing out.

1. Wanting to Be Special

Children want to feel unique and important. If one sibling gets more compliments, more new clothes, or more freedom, the other might feel like they don’t matter as much. This can cause them to act out or try harder to compete.

2. Emotional Needs Not Being Met

Jealousy can also happen when a child feels emotionally ignored. They might see their sibling getting more hugs, talks, or support and feel left out. Even if the love is equal, children may not always see it that way.

3. Different Stages of Growing Up

As kids grow, their needs and emotions change. A toddler might be clingy and jealous if they see a baby getting attention. 

A teenager might feel jealous of a younger sibling who doesn’t have school pressure. These stages affect how siblings feel about each other and can cause jealousy.

What Causes Sibling Aggression?

Sometimes sibling rivalry turns into aggression yelling, name-calling, or even hitting. While some conflict is normal, constant fighting may mean deeper problems.

1. Copying Adults

Children learn by watching their parents or adults. If parents argue, shout, or use physical punishment, kids may copy that behavior when dealing with their siblings.

If parents ignore bad behavior between siblings or say “they’ll grow out of it,” the message kids get is that aggression is okay.

2. Feeling Powerless

A child who feels ignored or frustrated might not know how to express it. If they don’t have words or confidence to speak up, they might use aggression instead. For example, if they always lose arguments or feel no one listens to them, they might start hitting or yelling to get attention.

3. Lack of Space and Boundaries

Sharing bedrooms, toys, or time with parents can be stressful. Without space or privacy, small issues can become big fights. Kids need time and space to cool down and feel in control of their environment.

When Is Sibling Rivalry the Worst?

Sibling rivalry is usually strongest between ages 3 and 12. That’s when kids are learning how to express feelings and solve problems. They’re also becoming more aware of what’s “fair” or “not fair.”

Rivalry can get worse during big life changes:

• When a new sibling is born
  
• Moving to a new home or school
  
• Parents separating or getting divorced

These changes can make kids feel insecure or anxious. That increases their need for attention and competition with siblings.

Even in adulthood, rivalry may not go away. Old feelings of jealousy or unfairness can return when siblings deal with things like family inheritance, taking care of aging parents, or making joint decisions.

How Can Parents Help?

While you can’t completely prevent sibling rivalry, there are ways to reduce it and teach kids how to handle it better.

Here are some tips:

• Avoid Comparing – Don’t say things like “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” Focus on each child’s strengths.
  
• Spend One-on-One Time – Give each child individual attention. Even a few minutes a day can make a big difference.
  
• Praise Teamwork – When siblings help each other or get along, notice and praise it. This encourages positive behavior.
  
• Teach Problem-Solving – Show kids how to talk about their feelings, take turns, and come up with solutions together.
  
• Be Fair and Consistent – Set clear rules for everyone and follow through. Kids will notice if rules are unfair or not followed.

Children with Communication Difficulties

Some children struggle to express themselves or understand others, making sibling relationships harder. Misunderstandings can cause frustration and conflicts. 

Parents can help by teaching simple ways to communicate, using tools like picture cards or sign language, and encouraging patience. A calm, supportive environment helps siblings get along better.

Conclusion

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up. It happens when brothers and sisters compete for love, attention, or recognition. Jealousy and fighting often come from feeling left out or needing to feel important.

But with understanding, patience, and good communication, families can turn rivalry into respect. Siblings don’t have to be best friends, but they can learn how to support each other, share space, and grow together.

In the end, helping siblings handle their rivalry in a healthy way builds skills they’ll use for life like empathy, problem-solving, and emotional strength.